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Apr. 24th, 2007

I've been here before

"well mabey there's a god above
but all I've ever learned from love
is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you"

Best lyric ever.

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Mar. 6th, 2007

Disarm

So, I woke up this morning with the notion that today was going to be a bit easier on my aforementioned state of reality, than the previous day.  However, today did not turn out quite like I would have imagined, nor did it provide me with any clue, whatsoever, as to what to expect from tomorrow.  Frankly, I think that just fucking sucks.  But to fully understand the level of disappointment in which I’ve experienced in a 24 hour period, you would have to be me.  And this is where it gets tricky, because, even on a day when my ears seem waterlogged with excuses from semi-conscious friends, and paranoid family members, I still continue to put up with the bullshit.  I've always thought that the phrase “I give up,"  was a million miles away from my hypothetical, larger-than-life-list of things I’ll never say, simply because it’s so commonly used as a getaway car for the faint of heart.  This is not true, for if I truly "gave up," I would not be sitting here, writing this livejournal entry for not but me and my livejournal buddies to look back on later, tilt our heads and say, hm.  I wouldn't have been so blissfully ignorant on today’s turn of events, waking up, and I most definitely wouldn’t have passed up the chance to kiss my sis on the forehead before she left for school this morning.  I hunger for the salt of the pacific, and its residents, to suffocate my senses.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that "silk," does not pour me my glass of soymilk in the morning,  that it’s okay to say "subject change," when someone asks you why you are 18 and have not yet received your drivers license. Most importantly, it is okay to love yourself and the decisions you make, and it is more than okay to believe in yourself.  Were it not for my amazing sister and my glass of soy in the morning, I may have still been brooding on events that took place this summer, of late.  Then again, what are real friends for, if not to be completely honest within a gut wrenching truth?

I hope that all of you find faith in a best friend, like I have ( you'll know you've found them when you feel like you two, put together, can save the world)  and I hope you give soymilk a try
:)

Mar. 5th, 2007

hold for 5 minutes, please

In a moment of clarity, only a slew of font sizes and colors can put into perspective just how wrong we may be about the ones we hold dear (and if you find yourself alone with a glass filled with store brand pineapple juice, and a head full of blank pages just waiting to be received by the hand, that will in turn, make them into a vast collection of simplicities to be consumed by greedy, prying eyes); we are all older in this case. Know that you are not alone in the realization that, we keep secrets from ourselves to mask the tension headaches, and 30 minute makeup sessions. And when you find yourself staring down a mirror, yelling "I hate you; I hate you,” for the bulk of some canceled 90's sitcom, you become indifferent to indolence. You learn to admire, once and for all, the beauty of telling the truth. Even if the truth comes in the form of a glass rectangle that mimics tears and unshed skin, in the end, a mirror can't tell a lie.

I miss my sister’s blogs.

April 2007

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